Inevitable Conclusion

My homesickness is reaching critical mass.

I can always feel when I’ve reached the inevitable conclusion of whatever latest odyssey I’m on, and this is that. I can say with absolute certainty.

I miss my solitude. I miss not sleeping next to a snorer and I miss having my mail unopened and undisturbed.

I fucking hate the meetings. I do. I hate the goddamn war stories and I hate the whole subculture of AA. I’d rather go to a meeting or talk with a sponsor as needed, not have it be a laundry list of obligations I resent.

My integrity is loudly resonating that I need to go home. I’m so sick of being “on” all the time. Or the expectation of being “on” all the time. The half-sleep filled nights, trying to drown out the snoring or the train as it whistles by.

In the past, I harbored some guilt about when an odyssey was done, but not this time. This time feels like an over-boiling pot of water. It feels like an inevitable conclusion.