Paper Bag and Evil Eye

Now Playing: “Paper Bag” by Fiona Apple

My opal evil eye necklace came in the mail today from Etsy.

The last time I had an opal evil eye necklace was right before my nervous breakdown and subsequent bender. It got all snarled up when the trouble came and the town got too hot. I left it in my little wine corner, with the carpet and old armchair stained with Pinot Noir and bad luck.

I had tried loosening the knots in the gold chain with a sewing pin and some olive oil but it never came undone. I took it as a bad omen.

So today when the new opal evil eye necklace came, I blessed it by saying it was inherently lucky and blessed.

I made afternoon coffee before tonight’s AA meeting (one of the ones I like) and ordered a George Saunders book off of Amazon. I was fascinated by the Buddhist principle of bardo, the interim after death and prior to rebirth, and so I bought it. I would say it’s a spontaneous purchase, but I’d been studying the concept of the book for a while before it actually clicked to me that I need to voraciously read it.

After The Vampire Lestat and Duma Key, of course.

Adding to my list of things I’ve coveted and wanted for a long time, I finally dyed my hair yesterday (warm, dark brown from a box of Garnier Fructis hair dye for only $7) and the e.l.f. highlighter I’ve been wanting for months. Turns out I like both a great deal.

I always go through periods of cocooning myself before coming out on the other side a different woman. Listening to bursts of Fiona Apple in between can be quite freeing. I’ll have to get When The Pawn Hits… on vinyl when I eventually return to Illinois.

The Gabapentin is helping with the mood swings that come with kicking the sauce. I needed it more than I thought I did. I needed therapy, too. I just felt like I couldn’t afford either and went into one of my dreary, apathetic slumps when I looked at the news the other day.

I’m doing little things to mine pleasure from the day. I even bought more chocolate chip mug cakes than any single woman needs but I plan on enjoying them. Maybe I’ll buy a large pack of the mug chocolate cakes as well. They’re great with a little Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk spooned on top.

The small things, you know.