Blackout

Our air conditioner froze up today in the middle of a heat advisory.

I made the mistake of contacting my kid sister’s case manager who then used the opportunity to hand me my ass on a silver platter regarding my (warranted) frustration about the occurrence of events and how she circled it back to me and my job search and my failure to show up for the group interview with Aldi on Monday.

She showed up without warning, though she did have invitation. And while she made valid points, the heat, the swarm of people in our apartment (the maintenance man, her, and the other tech) lead to me blacking out, which, she claimed was manipulation on my end.

Maybe having my ass handed to me in the middle of heatwave, with my air conditioner broken, after taking a high dosage of Gabapentin and the judgement of my sober living techs around me would lead me to faint like that? (Rhetorical question)

She pushed the question about me choosing a new sponsor, somehow believing I should change my sponsor to one, “not so soft”;

My sister in Christ, I have had the roughest three and a half+ years in my life. Not to mention the four preceding it. Forgive me if I don’t want someone who’ll put me on the spot causing me to faint. I know I’m not an ideal candidate and that I need to stop being so stagnant, I am trying.

Shit like this makes me want to run away and join the goddamned circus.

I knew it was bad when my ears got fuzzy and I felt the color drain from my face. I felt clammy and cold. Things went pitch black for a moment. I was surprised I didn’t double over right there.

When I made it to the sofa, I laid against my ear and prayed desperately for the room to stop spinning.

Wednesday, huh? What a fucking day.