Ease

I realize what I yearn from this grand adventure the most is my independence. I yearn and hunger for it. To live life on my own terms, not clouded by the heady distinction of my addiction.

I would like to be my own person, to live life as I please. Not shielded by comfort, but moved by the audacity to live the kind of life that I desire, not yoked by other’s aspirations for me.

I’ve been having good luck lately. Amazingly good luck. Or good karma coming back to me, I suppose. Today I walked down Thrifter’s Row to my favorite cigarette shop and bought two of my favorite vapes. The proprietor was in and he gave me both with a discount I wasn’t supposed to accrue until my next visit there, but he was kind and I’m a regular shopper there. I thanked him profusely.

The weather was kind to walk in, too. Just warm enough but not enough to break a sweat. I made good headway on Step Four as well, with thoughtful answers to the questions asked and strong and mature self-reflection.

I fed Bozo and Molly a mountain of Timothy hay which they’re working through now and am happy with the book I’m reading, yearning for the next in the series. But truly, I have an embarrassment of fantastic books to read. Still, the desire for more makes me human as long as it doesn’t give way to a sense of hollowness.

I won’t have guilt about this weekend because I did a lion’s share of the step work needed so I can do other things. They urge me to go on adventures, off-property, and I do, with great relish.

Happiness finds me more easily these days.